With may came the uncertainty. Just as I though I could take a breathe, here comes the undeniable true that I can never escape: I don’t know what I want. From life, from people, from myself. I can’t help to think that my one true nature is to sabotage myself whenever things finally start to go my way. There was no flaw, no tremble and a wide a enough safety net bellow my feet, and I was happy with my circumstances. (or was I?)
Like it always happens, a small bump turned the game for me. And I still can’t decide if it is something I could look over or if it is completely clouding my vision, I can’t tell if it is big enough to call it quits or if I’m the one creating the tempest. Of one thing I’m sure, if it makes me uncertain, then I can’t pursue it.
I’ve always been one to think that you shouldn’t take any steps further if you’re not sure that’s what you want to do. Whether you end up falling or floating is secondary, the most important thing is to want to take that step further, and you’re ready for whatever comes next. And if you’re not certain you want it, you’re not ready to do it.
I’ve been certain of many things in my life, and certainty comes to me in a blink, when I know what I want there’s no going back. However, whenever I’m hesitant I never end up happy with my decision. I refrain myself from many things because of this. If I can’t decide on whether or not I’d be happy with the outcome, I abstain from it completely.
Hence why May was difficult to me. I found myself questioning, so instead of struggling to find and answer, I eliminated the question.
But, aside from all of that, May was fun. Lisbon was sweet, I finished Mrs. Dalloway (finally) and enjoyed the little bit of sun we had. Life ain’t bad at all.
Rooftops.Morning reads.Sweet vandals.Friends.Lisbon showing off.