Through life, I’ve seen faith in 3rd hand. My own faith always came from someone else’s beliefs. I never believed in anything on my own. My mum taught me my first prayer when I was very little and for years I repeated it every night before sleeping, out of respect for her beliefs. Not because I though it would make a difference but because I knew it meant something for her. And if it meant something for her, it would have to mean something for me.
I don’t really maintain a relashionship with the guy from upstairs. I’m very suspicious of his intentions and I’m just not very found of the majority of his followers, some of those who pray by his book tend to be very entitled. I mean, believe what you will, it’s none of my business, but don’t shove up someone else’s throat or dare to think you’re above them.
The one thing that bothers me the most about religion is the fact that some people will hold it as a shield. I don’t think there’s nothing wrong with thinking your religion is a part of you, your beliefs shape the way you carry yourself and that can be highly connected to religion. However, saying you’re a christian, for example, won’t make you a supreme human. You’re not given extra credits for fuck ups if you’re a christian. At least you shouldn’t. It’s not like you can live your life, one screw up at a time, apologize to god and just go on thinking that one day he’ll punish you in some way and you’ll just be done with that. You can’t just make amends with god and forget the people around you. Religion isn’t a shield in which you can hide from social responsabilities.
Growing up I remember being told that thunder was god’s punishment for bad deeds. What kind of god is that? A fair god they’d say. If this guy is supposed to be all things good, how come is he so petty? Who in their right mind sends thunder upon an entire region just because I didn’t finish my soup? My little self thought this was very unreasonable. That’s another thing that bothers me, people will use god as an excuse for everything and anything. That’s not right.
It’s funny how people will try so hard to advocate for god and instead they end up pushing others away from him. It’s quite ironic actually. It happens a lot.
I don’t think god should be the one to blame for the wrongs in my life, in the same way, I dont praise him for the good things. People often forget to thank and appreciate each other and instead go on to praise a figure they have no recollection off. I find that a bit unfair.
However, I must say, I admire fate. A lot. I admire that people can blindly trust something they don’t see. I admire people that have faith. I wish I could have a little bit more of that. Sadly I turned out to be a cynical. From a very young age, I’ve been suspicious of the existence of a god. It just never sounded reasonable to me. I would much rather trust people instead. One time, a few years back, I was cornered by two ladies who approached me to talk about god. They asked who did I believe would save us from this world, I bluntly said people would, we saved each other daily. They became very insolent, but I stood my ground. I think trusting in humans is a foolish thing to do, we have proven time and time again to fail to deliver, however, I find it equally absurd to trust that a higher power will came and save us all. It’s like putting all your eggs in an invisible basket.
I think having faith in each other is the way to go. Truth is, people will fail to solve your problems, but so does god. I’m one to think that every time someone choses to love me besides my wrong doings they’re saving me a little. Every time kindness is shown and given, someone gets to be saved. Every time someone shows mercy and humanity, the world heals a little. Don’t discredit people by thanking god every time someone shows benevolence.
Since I could never bring myself to trust god and his disciples, I’ve been putting my faith in the people around me. It started with my mother and her prayers, I used to pray for her, go to church for her and thank god for her. If it meant something for her that I did so, then I would. Because my mother knew best and if it was god that she trusted, even if I couldn’t comprehend it, I would trust her instinct. I grew up to have this silly belief in myself. I just know that whatever happens to me I’ll end up fine, eventually, so just gotta power through the difficult times. It might not look like it at all times, but I do have a lot of faith in the fact that I’ll turn out alright. I don’t know if that makes me a special type of narcissist, if it does, oh well. All I know is that it’s the one belief that actually brings me peace.
I don’t tend to talk about my beliefs a lot. I don’t talk about it at all. Mostly because there’s not much to believe in for me. If I go on saying that I trust the best in humanity, people will have the urge to slap me, and rightfully so. It’s silly, I know. But faith as a concept can be quite abstract. No matter what you believe in, it’s usually quite difficult to explain why you do.
I respect others beliefs as long as they respect mine. Religion – or the lack of one – is a sensitive topic, and I don’t think it’s something we should argue about. There’s no wrong or right. To each their own. I’m one to think everyone should believe in what they have to help them go through life. Just don’t think that your beliefs make you superior to others, they don’t. Don’t think any less of people just because they believe in something different from you.
I’ve seen faith 3rd handed in my lifetime, I could never bring myself to fully understand it, but I’ve grown to admire it. I don’t pretend to believe something I don’t anymore, but I don’t think anyone should be left faithless. I think people should start by trusting themselves and build fate from that.
If any of this sounds silly, it’s because I’m in my twenties and I’m not meant to make a lot of sense yet.