I’m not one to believe in new year resolutions, I tend to see life as an on going parade. With that being said, I do like to look back quite a lot. Someone who used to be in my life told me many times that I lived in the past, that’s not it. I like to use the past as a reference, so I do it often. It keeps me shielded and I know that’s not always a great thing, but for someone who knows very little about life, all the experience I have is worth saving.
Looking back on 2018 can only be bittersweet. The past year feels like a lifetime. Many things changed, a few others stayed the same. The weirdest part is how I don’t feel a glimpse of nostalgia. It is what it is and I’m well acquainted with my condition, I’m actually very grateful for being where I am today. To be fair, the year was actually fairly sweet, I was the one that was bitter. I’m trying to work on that.
I don’t think 2019 is capable of bringing me inner peace, that’s on me to do. I realized that I lazed out emotionally on several occasions, with several people, and that has to change. I can’t live life half asleep, although it’s easier in the moment, this type of thing will bite back later on. This is something to continue to work on.
I also realized I’ve matured, in spite of everything, because waking up at 9 am is no longer waking up early, so I guess I managed to do so something right. I fixed my lateness issue, that’s something worth drinking for! Cheers to me and cheers to breakfast for providing a good reason to get out of bed.
I made new friends. In all honesty, I though my quota was already filled, but I guess the heart is an elastic muscle. I don’t regret it, at all. I think they’ve made my life a little bit easier and definitely a lot more interesting. It’s baffling to me why someone would be interested in dealing with this cemented block I call a heart, so I’m grateful, thankful and very appreciative of them.
Life definitely become more than a quick succession of busy nothings, proof of that is that I found my will to write again. Turns out, people can be very inspiring and cute boys will provide some good poems occasionally. Why it took me so long to realize, one will never know.
Time to turn the page, whatever that means.