my good opinion once lost is lost forever | february

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I don’t trust easily. Once you meet me it’s easy to arrive to this conclusion. I tend to be very reserved and quiet around people I don’t know that well and it takes years to win my trust. I just don’t get comfortable around someone easily. It’s not necessarily a good thing, it can be lonely, but it isn’t bad as well, it keeps me safe.

At the same time I’ll develop a certain empathy towards people and often feel for them when life isn’t kind. People succeeding isn’t something that bothers me at all, specially when I know they’re deserving of it. I’m not a fierce competitor, I’m confident in my worth and don’t get scared easily, I don’t think my place is something someone else could take, so I tend to be very comfortable in my abilities. My biggest struggle is often with myself, not with others. I’ll struggle if I’m aware that I should have done better, not because someone else did it better than I did. Rooting for someone else to succeed is not a hard thing to do at all.

Although I tend to relate to people easily it takes me a while to connect with them. Some people have a good gut, I don’t, so I have to be very cautious. I don’t want to be in a place where I’ll regret trusting someone again.

Sometimes I’ll get this itch.. I’ll really want to root for someone but somehow can’t bring myself to trust them. Which is ok, these two things don’t have to be intertwined. But I just hate it when my instinct is proven to be right. I’m sort of a pessimist, so being right always has a sour taste.

I grew a very thick skin and I can be very unattached – specially when I’m suspicious of someone. I’m hard to reach, it’s true. However I wouldn’t say I’m difficult, and I most certainly don’t make anyone’s life difficult. Still, if at first someone left me feeling reluctant, I’m not capable of finding it in me to ever trust them.

I might be extra cautious, and I might be unfair, but my restrain has never failed me. My trust on the other hand… The few times I’ve given it have given me some good and bad experience. I’m not really sure I understand why anyone would crave my trust. It really doesn’t come with many perks.

I’ll apologize nonetheless: forgive me if I’m wary. In no way, shape or form will I ever share my tainted opinion about someone to my benefit. Don’t think less of me just because my words are short.

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