overflow | ramblings

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I really do wonder if it is normal to feel like this. I don’t remember not feeling it.
It’s funny how at the end of an apparently good day everything will just turn around. It’s a sudden overflow. As if, all at once, it’s just too much to hold in. Yet, throughout the day, all felt lighter. Was it all just buried until now? Or is there no real reason behind this? Could it be, that I am my own saboteur?
Whatever it is, I don’t wanna feel it anymore, I wanna sleep it off. Just stop the world for a minute so that I can catch my breath.
Tomorrow I’ll be better. I’ll wake up with renewed energies, a slower heart pace and I will have forgotten all this things that I feel too much. Tomorrow is a brand new day. I can be scar free then. I can’t wait for tomorrow. But I still don’t know what to do will all of this from now.
I know I felt this before, but I don’t remember what I did to overcome it. I do question if I have been handling it well, because it keeps coming back.
Have I become too much of a pessimist to recognize what being alright is like? Or have I really not been alright for so long that I forgot how it feels?
This unwillingness to be awake is a feeling I’ve become too familiar with, yet the existence of this feeling is so loud it keeps me wide awake.
I’m drowning, someone push me up or let me go. I can’t stand this overflow anymore.

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