overflow | ramblings

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I really do wonder if it is normal to feel like this. I don’t remember not feeling it.
It’s funny how at the end of an apparently good day everything will just turn around. It’s a sudden overflow. As if, all at once, it’s just too much to hold in. Yet, throughout the day, all felt lighter. Was it all just buried until now? Or is there no real reason behind this? Could it be, that I am my own saboteur?
Whatever it is, I don’t wanna feel it anymore, I wanna sleep it off. Just stop the world for a minute so that I can catch my breath.
Tomorrow I’ll be better. I’ll wake up with renewed energies, a slower heart pace and I will have forgotten all this things that I feel too much. Tomorrow is a brand new day. I can be scar free then. I can’t wait for tomorrow. But I still don’t know what to do will all of this from now.
I know I felt this before, but I don’t remember what I did to overcome it. I do question if I have been handling it well, because it keeps coming back.
Have I become too much of a pessimist to recognize what being alright is like? Or have I really not been alright for so long that I forgot how it feels?
This unwillingness to be awake is a feeling I’ve become too familiar with, yet the existence of this feeling is so loud it keeps me wide awake.
I’m drowning, someone push me up or let me go. I can’t stand this overflow anymore.

fools gold | february

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The way the light peeked shyly through the blinds made it feel like home. The raindrops that fell on the window sill made the perfect sunday morning music. The coffee was strong enough to wake up but sweet enough to do it slowly. It could have been love right then and there but fate had other plans.

It was never my plan to seek for more love than she could spare nor my intent to give her out to loneliness when she failed to deliver. Apparently, it all happened. In a blink.

We weren’t left with much, a few words here and there, but all very distant. Still, we had a little bit of good to remember. It may seem foolish now, but the memory of those sunday mornings remains untouched and is as precious as gold.

emotional eloquence | february

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I’ve always been a sucker for love letters. For someone who writes a lot I sure do suffer from a certain a lack of emotional eloquence, so I’ve grown very appreciative of those who have it. It is because of this that I can never grow tired of reading about love, whether it’s poetry, romance or letters.

Some of those letters always get the best of me, no matter how many times I read them. So, I thought I’d share my favorite three here. One day, I’ll write a proper love letter too. Until then, I’ll let them these speak for me.

Gustave Flaubert to George Sand

Flaubert’s words are soft, they do not describe an invasive affection. Way too often, when words are eager, love burns quickly, however he describes the type of admiration that will last for a lifetime. This is the reason why I like this one so much, the carefree uncertainty, the casual details, the honesty. To me, if feels like it is about friendship, the type of friendship you can’t live without.

How we keep these dead souls in our hearts. Each one of us carries within himself his necropolis.’

‘I don’t know what sort of feeling I have for you, but I have a particular tenderness for you (…)’

‘I especially missed you last night at ten o’clock.’

‘To ‘love you more’ is hard for me – but I embrace you tenderly’

Ludwig van Beethoven to his ‘Immortal Beloved’

Beethoven’s various letters to his muse are some of the most beautifully written words I have ever read. He writes them in an almost painful passion, the ‘Immortal Beloved’ is loved ardently. The true pain relays on the fact that these three letters were, apparently, left unsent.

Love demands everything and is quite right.’

‘Brighten up – remain my true and only treasure, my all, as I to you. The rest the gods must send, what must be for us and shall.’

‘It is not a real building of heaven, our Love – but as firm, too, as the citadel of heaven.’

‘I can only live, either altogether with you or not at all.’

‘Your love made me the happiest and unhappiest at the same time.’

‘Be calm – love me – to-day – yesterday.’

‘Oh, go on loving me – never doubt the faith-fullest heart.’

‘Ever thine.
Ever mine.
Ever ours.’

Alex Turner to Alexa Chung

Not all love letters have to be literary acclaimed pieces from past centuries. Some are modern tales and could fit into a text. It’s an updateded fairytale. Legend has it Alex Turner wrote this one on a napkin that Alexa Chung forgot at a bar. It is short, sweet and heartfelt. It is the love letter one can aspire to receive in today’s world.

 

 

 

can’t let him know| february

I can’t let him know
how I miss him
and how my heart aches
at the thought of him.
I can’t let him know
that my hands are
missing his curly locks
and my back craves
his touch
I can’t let him know
how my nose misses
the crock of his neck
and how is scent
is endlessly comforting
to me.
If I fail,
and make him aware
that my body aches for his,
then he’ll leave me,
in a blink.

Warm, soft, sweet.

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Warm,
soft,
sweet.
Faith couldn’t have picked you better.
I am obsessed with
how my head fits
in the crook of your neck,
how my nose brushes on your skin,
and how soft it feels agains my lips.
‘What are we?’ you ask,
‘Do we have to be anything yet?’
I speak, in fear that you might say
‘Yes, we do’,
because all I want to think about
is the softness of your skin,
and the comfort of your embrace,
and the sweetness of your words,
We don’t have to be
more than that
just yet.
but you nod your head,
we don’t have to be something,
not for now.

And how unused I am,
to this tenderness,
I might just fall,
after all.