I guess trust is something you practice. I don’t know where I’m going with this, so just hold on a minute while I ramble my way to a conclusion.
I’ve realized that the reason I don’t trust more is because I’m not used to it.
You never know what people are gonna do with the things you share with them. And you can look at it as being the catch of a friendship, or you can see it as being the beauty of it. I haven’t practiced the art of reliance too often in life. I’ve met people worthy of it, I’ve met those who seemingly deserved it, but I’ve consistently given it only once.
She’s my person. We’ve known each other since we were twelve, became friends a year later and it only took us a few months to become confidantes. I don’t even know if we just casually morphed into the same type of person or if we were both already set up to become it. I think we trust each other out of habit. Many years went by and I have never regretted sharing something with her. She has never used anything I said against me. And she could have! – she knows my darkest thoughts. We’ve been in each others lives consistently. I believe consistency is the back bone of trust.
I can’t see a future in which she isn’t in my life. You don’t throw out the molde of something that isn’t broken. She is my person. If I was ever in a situation where I would murder someone, she’d be one I’d call to help me hide the corpse. If I ever ran out, she’d be the one to know where I would be at. Mostly because, she’d be with me.
I think the reason why we work so well is because we’re way too similar. Our similarities are what connect us and our differences allow us to be friends. We differ in many things, we see the world from polar opposites. It’s almost like we’re the same person, seeing life through two different perspectives. Of course hers, is probably the right one. I’m a little too passionate to be rational, too much of a dreamer to see what life will be. While she can see it as it is. Sometimes almost too well.
It’s borderline unhealthy that we’re allowed to be friends. We can talk for hours and not disagree a single second. We can admit that we don’t see eye to eye and move past it, no hard feelings, end of discussion. She’s the only person with whom silence was never awkward. It’s so stress relieving that you can be with someone and not have to struggle to keep a conversation going if you don’t feel like talking.
We’ll take breaks from each other. Right now, we’ve been closer, but we’ve also been further away. There have been certain times in our lives in which we’ve met new people and drifted away for a little bit, but she’s my person nonetheless. She’s the one I’ll send a text to when I’m going through something I can’t cope with, and she’s there. She never fails to respond when it matters.
Trusting her is kind of a second nature to me. Way to often I have to think of trust as sometimes I should exercise. But we’ve been doing it for so long and we’ve been through so much together that it’s just natural now. But it took a while still.
Going back to my premise, trust is something you practice. And I don’t do it that much, so when I try to, I’m often not great at it. I take my time with my words, I take too long to share something that would be simple to someone else, I take the patience out of my friends for being way to reserved.
There are some people in my life in which I should trust more. Here’ my plea: bare with me. It takes me a while, but I get there. She is my person, if anything she is proof that I can do it.